I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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