I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
