This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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