I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
