Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
my liver is dry heaving
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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