I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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