Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
