doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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