So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
