I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
