you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
