I am spending my child support on dildos
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
