Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
