I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
