Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
