Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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