My room smells like vodka and shame
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
