NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
