Will you blow on my dice?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
