so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
