Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
