Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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