im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
