I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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