if you like me you must not know who I am
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
