Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
