What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
