I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
