Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
