your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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