I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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