then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
