wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
