Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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