Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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