VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
