i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
