Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
