Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
