My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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