Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
