Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
