I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
