We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
