Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
