I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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