I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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