ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
