my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
