I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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