dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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