If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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