You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
