The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
