Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
