4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Umm I'm too high to move.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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