May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
