you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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