yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
