the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just cropdusted the office
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
