Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
