I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
