Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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