i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
