you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
