you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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